I hereby proclaim February as "Stop letting my children get away with murder (not literally) and take charge of my household" month. For too long I have allowed annoying offenses to take place under my charge and have offered excuses and reasonings to allow such goings-on to go on. No More I SaY! Such offenses as too much TV watching by eldest daughter who turns into the wicked witch after said activity is no longer allowed. There will be entire days during the week (we'll start with 3) where the TV will remain in the off position until the hooligans have retired to bed. (Rules do not apply to mother.)
Furthermore, my children, led by the eldest will no longer be allowed to get away with asking for food EVERY TEN MINUTES!!!! There will be breakfast, a mid morning snack, lunch, snack in the mid afternoon followed by dinner in the evening and upon occassion there will be dessert. The threats that eldest child is starving and quite possibly dying of hunger will now be ignored. The tantrums sure to follow will also be ignored.
There will be reading time. Eldest child will, during the day, take a short, but necessary, break from mother-on-the-verge to have quiet time in room where she must read or otherwise play quietly. Heaven help me, why must there be so many toys if she doesn't want to play with them!
The youngest child will now be required to pick up smashed banana he has thrown on the floor even if that means I have to put him in a gazillion time-outs and pry his freakishly strong fingers open to pick up banana (or insert other food choice which also ends up on floor here) and "help" him put it in the trash. He will learn manners and eldest child will be reminded of hers.
My children will be required to play outside more taken either by mother or father or a combination of both. The family will, from here on out, be required to have quality outings and play times together. There will be more play dates for daughter who is desperate for fun every second of the day. We will continue to work on the youngest not biting other children and therefore only a few closely supervised playdates until matter is resolved.
MY CHILDREN WILL HAVE A HAPPY, FUN, IMAGINATIVE CHILDHOOD BUT THEY WILL ALSO BE RESPECTFUL AND KIND AND PRODUCTIVE MEMBERS OF SOCIETY.
I furthermore state that I will do everything in my power to help and love my children so they will not have to attend psychological counseling in their older years because their mother ruined their lives and now they can't function.
WISH ME GOOD LUCK!!!!
Furthermore, my children, led by the eldest will no longer be allowed to get away with asking for food EVERY TEN MINUTES!!!! There will be breakfast, a mid morning snack, lunch, snack in the mid afternoon followed by dinner in the evening and upon occassion there will be dessert. The threats that eldest child is starving and quite possibly dying of hunger will now be ignored. The tantrums sure to follow will also be ignored.
There will be reading time. Eldest child will, during the day, take a short, but necessary, break from mother-on-the-verge to have quiet time in room where she must read or otherwise play quietly. Heaven help me, why must there be so many toys if she doesn't want to play with them!
The youngest child will now be required to pick up smashed banana he has thrown on the floor even if that means I have to put him in a gazillion time-outs and pry his freakishly strong fingers open to pick up banana (or insert other food choice which also ends up on floor here) and "help" him put it in the trash. He will learn manners and eldest child will be reminded of hers.
My children will be required to play outside more taken either by mother or father or a combination of both. The family will, from here on out, be required to have quality outings and play times together. There will be more play dates for daughter who is desperate for fun every second of the day. We will continue to work on the youngest not biting other children and therefore only a few closely supervised playdates until matter is resolved.
MY CHILDREN WILL HAVE A HAPPY, FUN, IMAGINATIVE CHILDHOOD BUT THEY WILL ALSO BE RESPECTFUL AND KIND AND PRODUCTIVE MEMBERS OF SOCIETY.
I furthermore state that I will do everything in my power to help and love my children so they will not have to attend psychological counseling in their older years because their mother ruined their lives and now they can't function.
WISH ME GOOD LUCK!!!!
3 comments:
You took the words right out of my mouth
!
Good luck! This makes me laugh so hard maybe because I can identify in so many ways. I can help with you resolve a little--do you want "eldest child" to come over for a playdate with my "eldest child" on Thursday or Friday?
my children will most likely join yours in therpy as well.
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