Conversations With My Neighbor

You know her from this and this. Here's what she said to me (the very first thing she said to me)today after Lilly and Abe knocked on her door to see if her daughter could come out and play:

Neighbor: Damn! You've grown since I saw you last! (Which by my calculations has only been a little over 2 weeks)
Me: Yeah, well, it's the end of the day and I just had a big dinner. (Pathetic sounding excuse, I know, but true)
Neighbor: (Chuckling) Yeah, you keep telling yourself that.
Me: Oh well, then what's your excuse for being fat? (okay, I didn't actually say that. It was more like "Well, that's the truth" but I'm gonna come up with something clever the next time she does say something)

We then proceeded to watch our kids ride their scooters for the next hour and half and she gave me some free hair products. She talked about wanting to have another baby and I couldn't help but smile to myself because she'll get what's coming to her. I'll make sure of that.

The List of Names

As we all know, Lilly is of the creative kind and has written a list of names for the new baby. Here they are, in her own words (or spelling):

isubelu.
Sporcls. (Sparkles)
el.
geegr. (Geeger -name if it's a boy)
geedr. (Geeder- the other boy option)
liy. (Lee)
Quinne.
DeeDee.
ho ho.
Kilan. (pronounced like Kie-lan)
Fee Fee.
Ranbo. (Rainbow)
Gold.
Dimind. (Diamond)
Sun.
Silvr.
L.
B.
Hum.

I think we have a few good options here. Geegr is definitely growing on me!

Confessions of a semi-crazed mother

It all started on Friday when, after a long work week, Kelly went golfing. He had this planned for over a week so I knew it was coming and I tried to convince myself prior to his day out that I was okay with it. That I wanted him to go. That I was happy he was able to relax and have fun. But the day came and I was annoyed and selfishly angry. When Abe was screaming his head off in the car because Lilly was singing along to the radio, instead of losing my temper I just pictured my husband swinging his golf club, enjoying a beautiful day, cracking jokes with a friend and murderous thoughts began to form in my head. But here's the truth of it all: Kelly works really hard and he works a lot. Kelly rarely goes golfing and it's something he really enjoys. Kelly also has always been totally fine watching the kids whenever I want or need to go out. So, as I delve into my brain to figure out the real problem, I realize it's this: The reason I don't go out for long outings on my own (a.k.a. sans kids) is because I HAVE NOTHING TO DO and I think it's really pathetic and that's why I get annoyed when Kelly goes out. He has his very own life and I don't. And I'm jealous.



I used to LOVE to be on my own. In college I would relish my time away from roommates and responsibility and drive around in my '84 Nissan 200sx, navy blue. My car and I would go far and time was of no importance. I often remember smiling about the fact that no one knew where I was. I was completely alone and it felt wonderful. Now, the word "alone" means something totally different. I sometimes feel very alone even with a house full of my dearest ones. Sometimes, when the kids are fighting, all I think I want is for them to leave me alone, and yet really what I want is for them to just stop fighting and for hugs and kisses all around. I don't like the lonely feeling of being without my children. But I think, that even though these things are true, I need to learn to be alone again, to rediscover or find out anew, what Quinne is like. What do I like to do? What makes me happy, not as a wife or as a mother, but just as me. It's a difficult balance, but a necessary one for a fulfilling and whole life. I need to find a little bit of courage in my unsure and worried heart.



So here's a list of things I used to like to do that I don't do anymore:

I love to go listen to an orchestra play. Music like Vivaldi and Beethoven and Rachmaninov are exciting and emotionally charged and just beautiful.



I love to read and want to be in a book club that reads more than church books or feel-good books. I want texture and conflict and romance in my books. I don't care if there's a bit of swearing or sex. I like controvery and I like to learn. And I want to read books that are inspiring and expands my mind and my capacity for understanding. I don't need these kinds of books all the time, just sometimes.



I like to sing...especially to musical theater. I really stink at it and I've let my embarrassment over my lack of talent prevent me from really belting it out. Who cares if my kids and sometimes my husband start howling for me to stop. I've got to live.



I like old things. I like color. I like to run. I like to have picnics. I like to watch foreign films. I like to cry. I like some opera. I love gardens. I like to sit and watch people. I like to feel deeply. I like to create. I like to go on adventures. I like to go to plays.

But as I write this, my daughter is downstairs begging me to come and be with her. Duty calls and it's a duty that above all else, I wouldn't give up or change. So, I need to find balance and then refind that balance when the new baby comes. I think it's possible, but I haven't figured it out yet. I'll let you know when I do.

Easter Part 3.2

The first time I did this, it didn't work, so here it is again. I don't think it needs any explanations.

Last one of Easter

Here is Lilly in her Easter outfit. I love her little silver gladiator sandals. She's so trendy!

I love this picture of Abe because it was taken right after one of his plastic eggs fell on the ground and all the candy fell out. He must have thought the world was coming to an end by his reaction. He cried off and on all day just like this and his sweet little face makes me laugh everytime I see it.

Playing in the backyard after church.

Our Easter feast which was shared with and partly prepared by our friends, the Schroeder's. It was great to have some friends over to celebrate with (or technically it should be with whom to celebrate- either way it was fun).

The End

Easter Part 2

Saturday night after Kelly got home from work, we colored Easter eggs. It was soooo messy (of course) and the kids had fun. Abe could hardly control himself he was so excited. He would just drop the egg into one color then scoop it out and drop it in another color and so on. His eggs actually didn't turn out pretty at all, but they were both loving it.

Easter Part 1

On Saturday morning, I took the kids to the District for some Easter fun. The first thing we did was ride the carousel.

Lilly loves to ride the carousel but Abe kept saying, "I too fraid. I too fraid," so I didn't make him go on. I've never known a kid to be scared of a carousel that goes about 1 mph. Very strange.

Then we stood in line for almost an hour so the kids could get their faces painted. Just doing those two things took about two hours, so we went home for naps afterwards.

Inevitable

Well. It happened. I knew it would, although I was hoping this time would be different. Yesterday I received my first "implied" commentary on the size of my belly vs. how far along I am. It was from my neighbor. You might remember her from this. Anyway, this is the conversation after not seeing her for some time and then stopping by for a visit while on a walk:

Neighbor: How far along are you? (After a nonchalant glance at my stomach)
Me: Um...I'm only 15 1/2 weeks. ( I say somewhat apologetically but hoping by adding the 1/2 it sounds better.)
Neighbor: Wow! (Another glance down at my belly)
Me: Yeah, um...I hear the more kids you have the sooner you sort of pop out. (She only has one kid so what does she know?)
Neighbor: Oh really?
Me: Yep.
[Awkward...awkward...awkward...She's judging me. I don't like to be judged. Part of me wants to cry and part of me wants to hit her.]
It's begun and in all fairness, something has happened to my belly in the last few days and so I really do look like I'm 5 months pregnant, but I realize that that's just how my body is. I don't get a cute little baby bump or even a nicely rounded basketball. I just kind of become...big. And I'm not fishing for compliments, I'm just really coming to an acceptance of me and what will become my big belly. For example, with Abe I was 7 months and everyone was asking when I was due blah blah blah. So I've decided to make up some T-shirts for me to wear with sayings on them to kind of put off the guess work. These are some of the ones I came up with this morning around 4:30...
1. I'm not due yet, so don't ask.
2. I'm actually 12 months pregnant
3. What are you staring at, fattie?
4. Yep, I'm having triplets
I thought of some really mean ones, but my parents read this, so I'll try to behave myself.

Hugs and kisses!

Momentum

Kelly has taken Lilly outside to practice riding her bike without training wheels a couple of times, and although each time she would do it successfully, she would come home afraid to go out again. I'm afraid I passed my tendency to be afraid onto her. But today she was full of courage and so here are a few pictures to mark this special occassion.

As far as Abe goes, we recently purchased a razor scooter for him so he'd stop biting Lilly to get her's away from her. Does that sentence make sense? Anyway, he's quite good at riding it although his little legs have a hard time propelling him very far. Both kids were so happy to be outside riding around. We're very proud of our little girl!

Honesty is not always the best policy

Today while watching a little TV a commercial came on for wrinkle cream. Here is the conversation just after the commercial:

Lilly: Do you want that?
Quinne: That's wrinkle cream! I'm too young for that. (I reply incredulously)
Lilly: Well, it's for wrinkles. (she might as well have said, Duh!)
Quinne: Do I have wrinkles? (Gulp. Do I really want to hear the answer?)
Lilly: Right here (she points to her forehead indicating that's where mine are)
Quinne: That's just cause I'm squinting.
Lilly: Well, you have some.
Quinne: I don't want to talk about this.

I used to have a youthful face. What's happened to me? WHAT'S HAPPENED TO ME????