my boyfriend

I've often thought about how funny (ludicrous funny not ha ha funny) it is that children are brought to this earth and entrusted to people who have no idea what they're doing, having no qualifications, and previously to having children, didn't like them all that much to begin with. You know, people like me. I get so down in the dumps about this whole parenting thing sometimes because it's so hard and I feel so selfish and I feel like my kids are taking and taking but I'm not really giving anything of substance. It's no secret that we've struggled with how to raise, discipline, monitor, set free and care for Abe. The others too, but their needs seem to have easier answers for the time being. But I (I'm only going to speak for myself now) can get so angry at him and so frustrated that I don't want anyone to know lest they think I'm a horrible mother because I, in those moments, know that I am. And yet, I feel so protective of Abe when others get mad at him. I about told off the 7 year old neighbor girl who was getting after him. So, with these things in mind, I'm constantly wondering what to do. How do I love him enough? How do I get him to mind me? How do I discipline him? I'm having a hard time getting the answers but today I felt inspired.

It was another rushed morning to get the kids out of the house to school and Kelly off to work and we're trying out the whole thing of having family prayer. Abe didn't sit still and we're a bit too quick to get frustrated with him. By the time he got in the car, his head was down and he was sad. My heart about broke when I saw how he was feeling. I gave him as many kisses as I could and told him how much I love him. When I dropped him off at school, a thought came to me to take him on a date. I kept thinking, does he know he's special? He needs to know that he's special. So after school, Abe, Oliver (who miraculously was so well behaved and quiet and stayed in his car seat the entire time), and I went to lunch. Where else but Cafe Rio.

While in the car we listened to whatever Abe wanted. We talked about preschool and for the first time in a long time he actually told me about what he did at school, the snack he ate, the games he played.

Then we went to the park he wanted to go to and played and played.

And swung really high.

And tried to take cute pictures of us together.

It was so fun to be with him and really focus on him without the cell phone and baby interruptions. He's such a fantastic little boy with so much personality and charm and I think we both needed to have such a good time together today.

Here are some funny things Abe's said recently:

During a prayer- "Thankful that Oliver's my child. Thankful that he loves me a lot."

Q: I think you're really special and wonderful.

A: Thanks. I think you're special and...stinkin'.

Today as we drove home from the park we took a different route and Abe had this to say:

"Seriously, this is home? Seriously?"