Also can be titled, I am an idiot.
Here is a list of things I learned from approximately 6:45 to 8:30 p.m. tonight:
1. When you tell your son to wash his hands after he goes to the bathroom and he says he has but with a sly grin, he's lying.
2. When you tell your son to return to the bathroom and wash his hands but he takes an unusually long time to do it, he's not washing his hands, he's doing something naughty.
3. When your son doesn't return for quite some time, get your butt off the treadmill and check on the boy because he's not just emptying out the liquid soap container as you may have thought.
4. When you go into the bathroom and your son is holding a random sample box of ambien and one of the pills is missing and your son is chewing some of the foil and paper that covers the pill, he most likely ate a pill.
5. When you panic and yell at your son, "DID YOU EAT ONE OF THESE?!?!?!?!?!?" and he says "no" he's lying because he's scared of you.
6. Poison control's phone number is 1-800-222-1222
7. They don't recommend you force your child to throw up anymore, but since I already had, they said it won't hurt.
8. Milk is good. I'm glad my son likes milk. Make your kids drink milk if your an idiot like me.
9. When your son, who just ingested an adult sleeping pill for insomniacs is instead extremely hyper and refuses to go to bed until a good hour and a half after said incident, you begin to wonder (again!) what's wrong with this kid?
10. When you totally mess up as a parent, but your child turns out to be okay, you just feel so grateful. And relieved. And thankful to have such a wild and sweet and hilarious boy safe in his bed asleep (finally!) even if you do have to check on him every hour throughout the night to make sure he's still okay (per toxicologist's orders).
2 comments:
Wow.
I'm not as honest as you are, in fact I call all these incidents "No tell ems". Chase got into my mother's pill box - the weekly doses with about 5 pills in each day. Thank goodness he only took a pill for gout and a muscle relaxer. He took a 5 hour nap that day, and was fine. I did call poison control though when he sat and ate a few handfuls of vaseline. Our boys are on the same wavelength. :)
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