I should never write posts late at night

I really get annoyed at myself when I fall behind on writing. Everyday I think of things I'd like to record so that I can remember them even just a few days beyond when they actually occurred. And I shouldn't write at night because I always feel a strange concoction of melancholy and contentment. I don't know. After Christmas was over and the stress of that plus running such long distances I've finally been able to catch my breath and realize what a bunch of brats I've been raising. Now, I've never liked to use that word but I've tried to think of another that more accurately describes their behavior but none exist. I think they had been neglected to the television and spoiled with gifts and I had grown lazy as their mother, but take pity on me because I was sooo tired. I'm still tired, but at least able to see where some improvements need to be made.

Last Sunday I was looking forward to taking the two big kids out on a bike ride. Abe now can ride without training wheels and I thought we'd go for an adventure. So on a quiet Sunday morning we headed off on our ride. We hadn't even turned the corner when the fussing and complaining started. Abe was mad at that and Lilly was upset about this. Warnings were given but to no avail. As Abe started to run away in a tantrum I broke the mornings silence and yelled, "We're going home right now! Get your bikes and let's go!" It seemed to echo through the neighborhood. We had barely made it half way down the street! Abe howled all the way home. I banished them to the backyard and made a "to do" list all the while being absolutely appauled that I had allowed this to go on as long as it had. I went outside after making the lists and told them that things had to change. It was definitely for my benefit as well. Probably even more so. So anyway that's a lengthy story to just say that now we have rules and chores.

We've started off small and some changes include a much more severe limit on tv watching, healthier foods to eat and less snacking, and simple chores like making beds and so on. Here is where I want to brag about Abe. What trouble we've had together during his short existance here on earth and yet he's got so much life in him and charm and stubborness! He drives us crazy and makes us laugh all at once! He already has so much character at such a young age. Without ever being asked, he brings in the huge garbage container off the street after it's been emptied. One of his chores is to organize the shoes and put them away in the laundry room everyday. He's meticulous and takes a lot of pride in his job. He's made his bed every morning this week without fail. I heard noise coming from his room early one morning and I rushed in their to shush him cause Oliver was still asleep until I realized that he was humming as he carefully made his bed. He wants to do everything for himself now because he wants to be a big boy. He's taking initiative and flexing his independant muscles. We're very proud of him. One thing that I have to make note of so that I never forget is that sometimes, just randomly, he'll come over to me, look at me for a minute and say, " I need kisses."

Sometimes as a mother I want to be anything but what I am. I never really know what I'm doing and I often get everything wrong. It's so hard...the day after day after day without an end in sight. The stress and chaos of it all pushes me to my limits and then, by the grace of God really, there is a reprieve and a chance to catch my breath before it starts again. There have been several moments this week with all of my children that have strengthened my love for them and my desire to improve myself as their mom. I'm well aware that I may despise them tomorrow, but for now, I'll go kiss their little cheeks goodnight and be grateful they're mine.