What I heard on this lame holiday

From Abe to me...


Mom, I love your gorgeous face.


He is now my favorite child.

What do you do?

What do you do when your daughter doesn't want to give you smooches anymore when you drop her off at school?

She tells me she just doesn't do that anymore.

I don't like it.

Not one little bit.

A letter or two

(my oldest two when they were young and innocent)

Dear Lilly,

I realize that you are getting older and I very much appreciate and am excited about your recent acts of independence. You're quickly approaching the big 8 and I can see all the ways that you are progressing forward in discovering who you are. Your desire to move out and go to college and even have a boyfriend when you turn 18 is a little premature, but I can roll with it. If I may, I'd like to give you one little bit of advice,though: lose the attitude cause it ain't cute and you're no teenager.

Love,

mom

Dear Abe,

Yesterday I saw you pull down your pants, bend over and pass gas when you thought no one was looking. I did get after you saying that's not how a big boy behaves (although that seems to be exactly how a big boy behaves), but I want you to know that I really really wanted to laugh. In fact, I had to turn my head so you couldn't see me because I did laugh...quite a lot.

Love,

mom

As a matter of fact I would...revised

Ladies and gentlemen, you may now refer to me as a marathon runner! It was the longest 4 1/2 hours of my life and I questioned my sanity several times, especially from miles 16-25 1/2 but looking back it was well worth it.

I tried to think of anything positive that comes from going to church with a 1 year old and really could only come up with the fact that it's just what I'm supposed to do, so I would much rather run a marathon (just not every week). Here are some "positives" that come from completing the race of my life:

My family's (and friends') support was wonderful. Several members of my family really went out of the way to make this not only possible, but easy for me to get to California. My mom drove to my house and watched the boys, my sister and her family opened up their beach house and refridgerator to me, Kelly and Lilly. I'm still thinking about those sandwiches, Rob. My dad and Bertha drove all the way to Carlsbad to not see me cross the finish line as well as show me lots of support and encouragement. And to my friends with kind words and a condo on the beach... Thank you, thank you one and all!

I burned over 3,000 calories! Hello? Why doesn't everyone do this?

I trained and complained with some great friends. Lindsay, Emily and I worked so hard and I think it was very rewarding. Lindsay took off at the start like we knew she would (and could) and Emily and I stuck together til about mile 16 and then I totally pooped out. Not literally, just tired. I felt like I hit the proverbial wall around mile 14 which was really early in the run and quite discouraging for me. Emily talked me through and helped me keep going. Finally around mile 16 we parted ways and I took breaks when needed and walked/ran the rest of the race.
Looking back on those last ten miles, I was a real wreck. I remember walking up a hill (which seemed to make up the entire second half) and a woman came running up next to me and said, "Come on girl!" and she and I ran up the rest of the hill. I thanked her and she moved on. I saw a 72 year old man (he'd written his age on his shirt) pass me and I let him cause at that point I didn't really care who passed me, but I got a second wind when I saw a girl younger than myself passed out on the side of the road. I thought to myself, "Well, at least I'm doing better than her." Sad, really, how I delighted in another's misfortune...or dehydration.




My mind started to play tricks on me and I remember seeing yet another hill up ahead and feeling really upset until I noticed that we turned a corner before we got there. I exclaimed to some half marathoners how happy I was we weren't going up that hill. I acted like a lunatic with big wild eyes and crazy gestures of the hands. Weird. Then, when we were almost done, maybe a mile or two left, I thought I heard the crowds cheering for the finishers and began to get emotional until I realized it was just the cars on the freeway and I was about to run over the overpass. I quickly dried my tears.



Then, then, it really was the last mile, which really does seem to take forever even though I'd already run miles and miles. Finally the last corner. So many people where cheering and I got the last remaining burst of energy that was left in my body and I searched the crowds for my family and heard Kelly call my name. I was done and what a surreal moment to cross the finish line and be able to actually stop running. I couldn't believe that I had done it and I finished in 4:35:38.







After you finish, you had to walk down this long path where you got your medal and your food bag and you just keep walking and walking and I felt so weird and hungry and tired and it felt good! It was probably the hardest thing I've ever done, but extremely rewarding and it felt good to work hard and accomplish something that I didn't think I would or could ever do.

I finally met up with friends and family and took pictures and congratulated one another. It was great!*



Some other things I want to remember about the race are these: using the porta potty first in the a.m. I mean, it actually smelled good. Hearing the National Anthem at the starting line. Seeing Shawn, Lindsay's husband, along the path was so fun! Sticking with the 4:15 pacer for quite a while. Feeling so good the first half. The ocean and wanting to go run and jump in it! The volunteers and crowds cheering my name (it was printed on the bib). How well organized and happy the volunteers and crowds were towards the runners. Although I may never run that course again and I may think there were more hills than there actually were, I'm so happy I did it and look forward to doing another marathon...at some time...later.







*Looking back I can say that it was great, but I don't think I felt exactly that way while it was going on. A friend asked me if it's like childbirth- miserable while it's happening and then when it's over you forget all about how hard it was and want to do it again. I think that's a pretty good description.






**How could I have forgotten to mention my marathon miracle? How quickly my mind leaves me. You see, I had been having knee pains, bad bad knee pains for months and months which sometimes left me unable to walk let alone run. It was a concern and so I prayed. I prayed my guts out and I was worried cause I was, ya know, running on the Sabbath. But folks, and I don't mean this to be blasphemous, but I had a miracle, for my knee did not cause me one ounce of pain or discomfort on the day of the race or since. I'm just saying...

Would I rather?

Would I rather...

chase a one year old around church for 3 hours wishing I could just go home?

OR

run a marathon?

I'll soon find out. Wish me luck!

I should never write posts late at night

I really get annoyed at myself when I fall behind on writing. Everyday I think of things I'd like to record so that I can remember them even just a few days beyond when they actually occurred. And I shouldn't write at night because I always feel a strange concoction of melancholy and contentment. I don't know. After Christmas was over and the stress of that plus running such long distances I've finally been able to catch my breath and realize what a bunch of brats I've been raising. Now, I've never liked to use that word but I've tried to think of another that more accurately describes their behavior but none exist. I think they had been neglected to the television and spoiled with gifts and I had grown lazy as their mother, but take pity on me because I was sooo tired. I'm still tired, but at least able to see where some improvements need to be made.

Last Sunday I was looking forward to taking the two big kids out on a bike ride. Abe now can ride without training wheels and I thought we'd go for an adventure. So on a quiet Sunday morning we headed off on our ride. We hadn't even turned the corner when the fussing and complaining started. Abe was mad at that and Lilly was upset about this. Warnings were given but to no avail. As Abe started to run away in a tantrum I broke the mornings silence and yelled, "We're going home right now! Get your bikes and let's go!" It seemed to echo through the neighborhood. We had barely made it half way down the street! Abe howled all the way home. I banished them to the backyard and made a "to do" list all the while being absolutely appauled that I had allowed this to go on as long as it had. I went outside after making the lists and told them that things had to change. It was definitely for my benefit as well. Probably even more so. So anyway that's a lengthy story to just say that now we have rules and chores.

We've started off small and some changes include a much more severe limit on tv watching, healthier foods to eat and less snacking, and simple chores like making beds and so on. Here is where I want to brag about Abe. What trouble we've had together during his short existance here on earth and yet he's got so much life in him and charm and stubborness! He drives us crazy and makes us laugh all at once! He already has so much character at such a young age. Without ever being asked, he brings in the huge garbage container off the street after it's been emptied. One of his chores is to organize the shoes and put them away in the laundry room everyday. He's meticulous and takes a lot of pride in his job. He's made his bed every morning this week without fail. I heard noise coming from his room early one morning and I rushed in their to shush him cause Oliver was still asleep until I realized that he was humming as he carefully made his bed. He wants to do everything for himself now because he wants to be a big boy. He's taking initiative and flexing his independant muscles. We're very proud of him. One thing that I have to make note of so that I never forget is that sometimes, just randomly, he'll come over to me, look at me for a minute and say, " I need kisses."

Sometimes as a mother I want to be anything but what I am. I never really know what I'm doing and I often get everything wrong. It's so hard...the day after day after day without an end in sight. The stress and chaos of it all pushes me to my limits and then, by the grace of God really, there is a reprieve and a chance to catch my breath before it starts again. There have been several moments this week with all of my children that have strengthened my love for them and my desire to improve myself as their mom. I'm well aware that I may despise them tomorrow, but for now, I'll go kiss their little cheeks goodnight and be grateful they're mine.

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas!

From our family

to yours